maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
