Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
