I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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