Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
