morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
