the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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