her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
