Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So. Much. Porn.
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