yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
