went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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