You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
