You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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