opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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