Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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