When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
