woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she peed on how many people?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
