God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
