We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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