he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
