I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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