i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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