i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
