drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
