omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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