The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
