If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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