rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
