kristin has been a bad kristin
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
