you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
