The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
