when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
