If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
