i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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