And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
