Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
