he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
