yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
