I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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