oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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