Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
