We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
