Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
did i just pee glitter
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
