Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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