we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
