ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
