My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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