We're like a lot better than the average bears
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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