if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
