Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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