the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Still dying that you shit outside
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
